Treasure Island Alternative Version.

[john bevan]

Anyway, 'twas almost Christmas, (at least in the local chandlers) when who should arrive on the poop deck but Father Bellinger the jolly ghost of Christmas present (am I getting my stories mixed up?) who was visiting Capn Bob Cratchett Bull. "Ah, ahh, ahh me hearties, ooh ahh" quoth he. "Jack, you need to take that bolt out of your mouth" advised Pirate Lindsay wearily. "Anyway, as I was saying" said Bob, " Poor little Vice Captain Bevan does not have a new Morgan Supersports Sloop for Christmas, what will become of him?" "Dunno and don't care!" shouted the evil Corsair Jim "Mad" Mountain, I intend to beat him fair and square next season. "Ha ha- not with the new adaptation I have fitted to the trusty four seater frigate" said Vice Captain Bevan, it is a.................

[Bob Bull]

the trusty four seater frigate" said Vice Captain Bevan, it is a.................

...................... bird or is it a bee, no it is a pair of red wings. "Just what I wanted for Christmas." Quoth our hero Le Van.

Meanwhile the parrot started to shout "Pieces of eight, pieces of eight! Wings, gear levers, V8 engines, all for sale at Tek Nicks."

Whereupon Tim Airsangraces shot the offending bird, jealous of the free advertising given to his deadly rival by the loquacious avian.
Sadly for Tim it turned out to be an albatross, meaning a flywheel would hang around his neck forever.

Just then a voice from the crow's nest cried out ............................!

[john bevan]

"Ow....ow...ooh that hurts"..... it was Mad Mountain, again. "Musket ball" said Capn Bob?",
" No, I've caught my rowlocks in the anchor chain" squeaked Mountain.

Ah, to clear that problem up you need to................

[jack bellinger]

"Find a couple of old Oars. that always helps with the Crushetations!!" Said Long John Sliver

[Bob Bull]

"Find a couple of old Oars

Right, Jack! The old ones are the best ......................and they don't come much older than Cap'n Bob. Who while painting pictures at Becket's Sound on the weekend found a pair of large and very rusty nuts lying about .............................should Mad Mountain need a map to find this treasure copies may be purchased from BobMog Ordinance Co.Ltd. 2/6d each. That's fifty Doubloons in old money.

In the mean time "Carry On Sailing".

[jack bellinger]

You wont get that much Bob .. He,s only got a couple of small Groats (give him the left hand corner known as------

[Bob Bull]

The fleet of vessels soon found themselves in the roaring forties, a vast ocean of turbulent currents, and towering waves, Vice Captain Bevan, peering through a porthole was siezed with terror when he beheld the storm tossed waters in which his frail craft drifted. "Oh for a pair of wings" he cried. "Preferably fibreglass and painted red, to match my cheeks."
Pirate Lindsay was made of sterner stuff and smiles contemptuously at the captain in charge of vice. "Flogging's to good for you, you scurvy knave." she snarled, "Get below and fetch me an apple form the barrel." and slapped her cutlass across the quivering wretch's rump.
Down in the darkness of the galley, Long Johns Bollinger and the blackbearded Surly Goatherd were busy plotting a mutiny, together with several of the shifty crew members. To whit; Dicky Shrub, Murk Snippers, 'Sainted Clerk' Tossall, Pall Bearer, Missy Tomsthumb, and the newly promoted Master Mariner Rafters. The arrival of the chastened Vice Captain caused a stir and Long Johns demanded "What the blue blazes are after B evan?"
Came the reply ................"

[john bevan]

The harpies are after him. They are carrying yellow fever........so far it has affected Captains Lees, Sumner and now cabin boy Chris Thompson. All of their ships have been painted yellow. It has had an extraordinary effect upon the fleet..........

[Bob Bull]

A certain Cap'n Cole was also spotted amongst the 'Yellow Perils', but a great danger to the whole enterprise was looming large on the horizon, to whit;

a dearth of able bodied contributors making the presence felt on the voyage, more hands are needed aloft to keep the sails trimmed to catch the breeze.

"All hands on deck".

Splice the hornpipe and weigh the rum, anchors abeam, a lee shore threatens.

Old sea dog.

[jack bellinger]

What I want know is....Whats wrong with Fish


blind pew( tapping his stickalback along the road)

[Bob Bull]

"What I want know is....Whats wrong with Fish ?"

Why Nothing Jack! You have spelt it correctly. Well done.

[Bob Bull]

Unfortunately the ship sunk with all hands .............. there were no survivors!

Well that is the only conclusion I can draw from the lengthy silence.

Luton (Bob) Bell

[jack bellinger]

That,ll keep the fish happy



FIN

[john bevan]

It was a long tail..........on a grand scale..............

[Bob Bull]

It was a long tail..........on a grand scale..............

That,ll keep the fish happy

OK! We have two survivors clinging to wreckage, with barely a ship's bicuit between them, but it does not get any closer to Treasure Isalnd.

Call out Lighthouse Mary, 1st. Lieutenant Rafter, Commodore Hill, Able Bodied Seaman Lees, Admiral Sebba, Vice Admiral Green and all available hands to man the lifeboat before the whole adventure sinks in to the sunset Sea of Lethargy or the Whirlpool of Sloth.

Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!

The 'Ancien' Mariner