New Members - Do's and Don'ts
Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 3:22 pm
It strikes me that for new members to the forum there are many snares and pitfalls lurking here for the unwary, as I found out to my cost when I first ventured to contribute my wisdom and knowledge to the site.
I have prepared a list of some Do's and Don'ts hopefully to assist newcomers in avoiding the more perplexing areas of BHP.
1) Never laud the virtues of any other marque on this forum, stick to Morgans. This way you will not cause distress to the older members. (no names will be mentioned here.)
2) Avoid disagreeing with, scoffing at, abusing, belittling, insulting, sneering at or contradicting either Mary or Jack. Retaliation and retribution will follow swiftly. They are two very hard men.
3) If in need of a recipe for fairy cakes or similar culinary delights contact Kate, Mary O or Katy, if, however, you want to brew-up a batch of paella - Andy Green is the go-to person. Never ask Mary Lindsay as her grasp of cooking is limited to eating sandwiches.
4) Take alook at my Morgan skydrive site (link provided below) and bone up on SLR's lest one upsets Keith, John or Simon by asking; "What is it mister?"
5) When mentioning any form of balloon, airship, inflatable, zeppelin or dirigible be careful not to Mark cause to take umbrage by any derogatory remarks.
6) Dogs! Caution should be exercised when broaching the subject of 'man's best friend', as Phillip is rather fond of the creatures, as is Tim Ayres.
7) NEVER bother trying to read any post from Tony Lees, they are either long dissertations on some obscure technical treatise, understood only by those with a BSC from Rangoon University, or so terse and cryptic as to defaet even the most ardent fan of crosswords.
8) Leigh Sebba is best taken with a degree of scepticism, one can never be sure if he was completely compos mentis when he penned his contribution. The chance of any item he post's being relevant is about 50/50.
9) Always address Andy Downes as 'Skipper'. I makes him feel important.
10) Should you come across a derelict Morgan suffering from woodrot and in need of restoration, immediately advise the Singleton twins.
11) Watch out for Jim Mountain he will almost certainly try and sell you some old tat from his garage. He has a large stock of useless items to unload on the unwary.
12) John Bevan beleives he has a sense of humour despite much evidence to the contrary, but please humour him, he is a little unstable, and we would not wish him to be put onto tablets just yet.
13) Our Australian domiciled member, Tim Hill, might comment on your posts. Do not get angry - it's the sheep!
14) If when attempting to first join BHP you will have already found that dealing with Chris Acklam can be tedious, but to be fair he is a wizard on technical matters.
15) Finally - a word of warning. Do not advertise items of sporting equipment on the Sales and Wanted Section, it is inhabited by phillistines, who do not appreciate a bargain when they see it.
By keeping these strictures close any rookie should be able to have a long and happy sojourn on brakehorsepower, and avoid the opprobrium that has come my way since trying to raise the standard of discourse here.
Happy horsing.
R F Bull.
I have prepared a list of some Do's and Don'ts hopefully to assist newcomers in avoiding the more perplexing areas of BHP.
1) Never laud the virtues of any other marque on this forum, stick to Morgans. This way you will not cause distress to the older members. (no names will be mentioned here.)
2) Avoid disagreeing with, scoffing at, abusing, belittling, insulting, sneering at or contradicting either Mary or Jack. Retaliation and retribution will follow swiftly. They are two very hard men.
3) If in need of a recipe for fairy cakes or similar culinary delights contact Kate, Mary O or Katy, if, however, you want to brew-up a batch of paella - Andy Green is the go-to person. Never ask Mary Lindsay as her grasp of cooking is limited to eating sandwiches.
4) Take alook at my Morgan skydrive site (link provided below) and bone up on SLR's lest one upsets Keith, John or Simon by asking; "What is it mister?"
5) When mentioning any form of balloon, airship, inflatable, zeppelin or dirigible be careful not to Mark cause to take umbrage by any derogatory remarks.
6) Dogs! Caution should be exercised when broaching the subject of 'man's best friend', as Phillip is rather fond of the creatures, as is Tim Ayres.
7) NEVER bother trying to read any post from Tony Lees, they are either long dissertations on some obscure technical treatise, understood only by those with a BSC from Rangoon University, or so terse and cryptic as to defaet even the most ardent fan of crosswords.
8) Leigh Sebba is best taken with a degree of scepticism, one can never be sure if he was completely compos mentis when he penned his contribution. The chance of any item he post's being relevant is about 50/50.
9) Always address Andy Downes as 'Skipper'. I makes him feel important.
10) Should you come across a derelict Morgan suffering from woodrot and in need of restoration, immediately advise the Singleton twins.
11) Watch out for Jim Mountain he will almost certainly try and sell you some old tat from his garage. He has a large stock of useless items to unload on the unwary.
12) John Bevan beleives he has a sense of humour despite much evidence to the contrary, but please humour him, he is a little unstable, and we would not wish him to be put onto tablets just yet.
13) Our Australian domiciled member, Tim Hill, might comment on your posts. Do not get angry - it's the sheep!
14) If when attempting to first join BHP you will have already found that dealing with Chris Acklam can be tedious, but to be fair he is a wizard on technical matters.
15) Finally - a word of warning. Do not advertise items of sporting equipment on the Sales and Wanted Section, it is inhabited by phillistines, who do not appreciate a bargain when they see it.
By keeping these strictures close any rookie should be able to have a long and happy sojourn on brakehorsepower, and avoid the opprobrium that has come my way since trying to raise the standard of discourse here.
Happy horsing.
R F Bull.
