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Bob when did the Ogre change sex ?

Jack, I don't think the Ogre is driving the prototype but you might recognise the person driving the Mark 2 Mogplank with uprated locomotive power and single branch exhaust.



When he got news of this new Mogplank Keef Allovers was desperate to add one to his collection on the fairisle of Jumper. Reek Lorid was very jealous and wanted one too so they both sat down and wrote really imploring letters to S.Anti Clause but their desperate pleading fell on deaf ears.

Meanwhile Mrs. Ogre had tired of her little game with the Duc and turned her attention to....

jack bellinger wrote:Bob when did the Ogre change sex ?

Jack, the ogre did not change sex, you should have worn your glasses, otherwise you are prone to that sort of error. Anyway it was Tony Baloney who stormed nto the shabeen, not Old Duck Laidlow, so that proves my point .... er what was it?

While Keef and Reek wondered who would eventually triumph in the battle for the Mogplank Mk2, unbeknown to them both, the senior OGRE had abandoned the scrap at the Leatherette Bottle and was hurrying down to Worstevershire to put a stop to his pantomime being hijacked by Father Christacklam (thinly (get it?) disguised as the jovial Santa.

People who witnessed the passing of the mighty figure mounted on his trusty steed cowered in terror at his fearsome aspect, and knew that one day they could terrify their grandchildren with stories of his hideous visage, bloated and purple with his efforts to get to Malware in time.




Would he make it .............

Bob ..Is that the Beanstalk growing into your Right ear ?? If it is No wonder you Jibber

jack

Meanwhile Balmy Summer was herding his Black Sheep towards the road where the crazed Ogre was pedalling his wares.
Fill Allins was also heading in the same direction and they both spied the Ogre at the same moment. Deciding to ambush him, as he was obviously up to no good, they hatched a cunning plan.
Knowing his obsession with the media (especially local radio) they thrust a microphone into his sweaty face and asked for an interview. Never one to miss an opportunity for a bit of publicity the Ogre hastily thrust his cycle to one side and launched into a diatribe on the untold benefits of living in Barnitt.

Technical question for Ogre Bob – was that photo taken by a passing hedgehog, or a very small photographer ? Or as it’s an ogre is it a giant bicycle ?

Just to let you know I’m still dozing in the panto audience. I understand Pamela Anderson appears in the Wimbledon panto. Will she be in the brake horsepower panto too ? If so wake me up when she is due on stage.

Leigh What are trying to say....How dare you compare Mary with Pamela Anderson
(its a bit like being trapped by the OGRE ... How are you going to get out of that one !!!)

polite jack

Mary Lindsay wrote: the Ogre hastily thrust his cycle to one side

Unbeknowst to Balmy and Fill the Ogre was in fact a very nice man indeed, who had, had a spell cast on him by the Slow Witch of the East (not be confused with the Speedy Witch of the West), however, due to an intensive regime of hard physical excersise he returned to his normal self, to whit; An urbane, erudite, sophisticated, learned, warm hearted, generous, multi-talented, thoughtful, imposing figure of a true gentleman.......................!

However, we must temporarily leave this tableau and return to the misadventure of Jack and Little Bill.

Failing to steal any more of the GIANT'S gold the hapless duo had programmed Little Bill's Sad Nav for a journey to Lewkwarm and hopes of some dinner, but due to reason's previously outlined on this site they arrived back at the little village, just north of the Metropolis, of Ees Barmy and home.
Standing at the cottage door was Mrs Belligerent wringing her hands (que sound effects off stage. RING, RING), "Why Silly, my dear what has got you in such a two and eight?" Asked Jack.

"It's Catherine." she replied.

"Why what ever is wrong with her?"

"She's a poor cow."

"Come, come luv, that's a bit harsh, I am sure that Jo....!

" Not her, our herbivorous, quadruped, she's not atall well,I think she's got the BBC disease. You know? The one that turns yer brane to spung, why I haven't had fresh milk since the Co-op on the corner closed."

"Heavens to Betsy, that's a disaster, we must seek professional help at once. Billy drag out the Cow Trailer we must head for Hamiltown without delay. There's bin a lot of that BBC disease around the paddock this year and it can cause jibber in the mind"

LB. "Why! Dad what's at Hamiltown, surely it's a right dump, ain't it?

"Well son maybe it is, but it is also where we can find Charlie and Farley Goatherd the best cow fettlers in the country. They'll soon put poor Catherine right as rain."

"But Dad they is got to be costin' a fourtoon."

"Don't worry lad I'll palm 'em off with a handful of them Magic Beans. I'll tell 'em that if they plant them they can grow a mighty beanstalk and have all the beans they can eat. Fetch a tin of Heinz from the larder they won't know the're not proper magic beans."

We now leave the Bellers on the road to Hamiltown and the at the mercy of the Goatherds, while we return to the previous scene.

The very nice gentleman ............................

Authors note; Leigh I could answer your query, however, we do have a Technical Committee and I would not wish to intrude into their domain, as they are a touchy bunch.

The very nice gentleman ............................

...was suddenly confronted by the well known Morgan racer and footballer Pierre Henry, (better known as THE JUDGE)
"I think you are an Ogre or maybe a GIANT masquerading as something much more urbane, erudite, sophisticated, learned, warm hearted, generous, multi-talented, thoughtful and imposing!" he challenged.
What could the poor Ogre/Giant do but confess that he was not as urbane, erudite, sophisticated, learned, warm hearted, generous, multi-talented, thoughtful and imposing as he would have us all believe.
"It's a fair cop your honour, I wos just tryin' to improve meself but you seen right froo me."
He climbed back on his bike and hot-pedalled it away into the wilds of Hotfoodshire.

Meanwhile Little Billy and Jumpin' Jack had managed to carry their ailing bovine to the animal hospital where a bearded Australian asked "Can ya tell wot it iz yet?"

........the nice gentleman discovering that the Speedy Witch of the West was logged on to the site felt he should get his spoke in first and hurridly penned a reply.

Arriving at he decrepit shed the ex-ogre requested an audience with Father Chritsacklam with regards to obtaining the plans for the original Mogplank, so that he could go into business producing replicas as he spotted an opening in the market amongst gullible traditionalists for something unique.
The jovial Santa was only to keen to do a deal and asked for a sum of 1000,0000, 000, 0000, 0000. Darlings.
"Not a problem" said the ex-ogre. "I'll borrow it from the Urobank, they will be happy to advance that amount. I will tell them my name is Brown and I need it to save the World again...........................

was that photo taken by a passing hedgehog, or a very small photographer ? Or as it’s an ogre is it a giant bicycle ?

Leigh it depends on which class he is in and what manifold the bike was originally fitted with.
The passing hedgehog was almost certainly an eligibility scrutineer in disguise.
If it was indeed a giant bike then Ogre Bob was in breach of immigration regulations and should have his TV licence revoked immediately. [-X

I see that we are now up to 73 posts. Just 127 more and we will reach the 200 target.

what a pity our antipodean cousin has not persevered...