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Hi Bob, I am afraid that one didn't hit the mark either.
Keep on (being) trying......

Bob, re sartorial helegance ..
Oooop norf we dont see much of that big bright light in the sky, so its de rigeur at every opportunity to show off the prize knobbli knees --- and its "off with the flat cap, get the ferret out of the trousers, let the whippet off the leash, ditch the clogs, untie plastic bin liner shin guards, discard the sack shoulder drape, lose the sprout- net vest (optional), but keep the string waist tie and one leather trouser brace.....(knotted handkerchiefs as headgear now solely reserved for the annual charabanc day trip to Cleethorpes), but a stained and frayed coloured 'kerchief is a must have accessory, plus snuff and baccy tin...

admittedly not a pretty sight , but beauty is in the eye of the beer holder!

wasnt expecting to be compared with those windmill owning veterinaries from down souf (although it was a a rather pretty fwock....

Well I married Mrs right ......
but what nobody told me was that her first name was... Always !!

( its the way you tell em Bob)

jack

Hello Jack, I wondered how long it would be before you joined in!

What jokes about girlies..not me

last week I advertised in the Local paper Wife wanted...


Ive got 64 replies all saying " you can have mine"

jack

Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'..
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on. The wife apologized and went on with the housework..
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
Wife replied.. 'Your horse phoned'

Mary?

One for your, Jack!

Man sitting at home on the veranda with his wife and he says, "I love you."
She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"
He replies, "It's me.............talking to the beer."

Bob, re sartorial helegance ..

Peter,
Awfully glad you have not taken a fence, ringed or otherwise, however, when watching the Arthur Neal Trophy race I was puzzled as to why you were not racing, despite being named on the entry list. An analysis of my photographic efforts revealed, however, that you had indeed been competing, but had clearly removed the basket of racing pigeons from the luggage rack, and it was this that had caused my confusion.
I understand that the sight of your ..er .....er ....er... frame clad in nothing but a pair of ragged footy bags, caused quite a few female hearts to flutter alarmingly. Such were the palpitations triggered that smelling salts were in great demand among the more faint hearted of the fair sex present.
I wonder, is this phenomemon confined the effete ladies of the Southern Counties or do the hardy wenches of Yorkshire and similar areas suffer similar feelings at the sight?

Bob Mugabe or E ba gum bob.

Bob, I have decided that it is best to let you boys enjoy your little jokes, we girls don't need to mock you - you can make fools of yourselves without any help from us......

Quite right Mary! This is no place for girlies!

Right Jack?

Bob, better that I translate lest you misconstrue:

Mary is telling you that your jokes are no laughing matter!

ps. dont give up your day job

pps, perhaps its time to ditch the Leonard Sachs Good Old days joke book

pax vobiscum

Peter, as long as it keeps him occupied at last it means he isn't bothering anyone else.

Anyway, men only make fun of the things they are afraid of or don't understand.......

Hey,, Mary
Sally has bought an electric lawn mower ... so she can find her way back to the house after mowing th lawm

jack

Jack, at least Sally mows the lawn....

By the way, I have heard that after you had enjoyed a couple of lemonade shandies you managed to get lost somewhere in London and had to call Sally to find you as you didn't know where you were, maybe you should have taken that electric lawn mower with you?

I Heard that Jack mowed the lawn!!!!!!
Barry