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I can't find a smilie with a beard - perhaps one of the computer whizzes can create one

I don't want to be pedantic (again) but none of the Santa smilies have beards so they must be imposters too.

In fact they look more like dwarves:

How many do you want?

This is getting out of hand!

As the actress said to the Bishop.

Dwarves !! whats that >> A Posh Sea Condition ??

jack

How many do you want?

Now you're just being silly.

Dwarves !! whats that >> A Posh Sea Condition ??

...and you are being obscure!

OK so there was Snow White Santa, just chillin' with the reindeer dudes. "Hey man", he said to Rudolf, "you drink too much, your nose has gone all red".
"There's no need to be personal', said Rudolf, "I can't help being nasally impaired", I have special needs and am going to get a government grant towards research into my very rare condition". [-X

'OK, OK", said Santa, 'no need to get all hot under the nostrils about it."

Someone must attempt to get this thread back on track so here goes: Mary issued a challenge to persue the Snow White theme while linked to an obscure race for a forgotten Marque at a far distant race track ..........

The seven dwarfs, Grumpy, Bumpy, Lumpy, Consumpty, Rumpy-Pumpy, Glumpy and Sid, seeing that Snow White was still zonked on speed and with the likelyhood of a Handsome Prince appearing on the scene fading with every passing post decided to have a race.
"Down to the local park, Chaps" Shouted Bumpy. Soon the were lined up beside the sandpit voluminous clouds of oily smoke billowing across the landscape.
Ready. Steady, cried Bumpy and then shot off in a shower of gravel. Hey! What about Go! Whined Glumpy, but Bumpy was away and grinning like a loon.
Behind the wildly weaving red sports car the rest of the dwarfs battled gamely for position, already resigned to being beaten by the unsporting Bumpy, now many yards to the good. Consumpty, stopped for a dose of cough medicine and fell a lap down, while Rumpy-Pumpy pulled of at the Hairpin, having spotted a familiar figure leaning on a lamp post. It was several laps later before he re-appeared, trousers all askew.
The flying Bumpy was driving with ever greater abandon until tradgedy struck! Rounding a corner the bumptious Bumpy lurched suddenly to the right and smote the grassy bank beside the road a mighty blow, with much bending of steel and a badly bruised hand, to boot.
Lumpy took the lead with Glumpy in hot pursuit, but Rumpy-Pumpy dived into the pits for a cold drink, but was stopped at the end of the pit lane by the Chief Clerk. "Do you realise you have just knocked down ten marshalls?" He asked. "Oh! Sorry." Replied Rumpy. "I thought it was the same one stuck to the wheel."
Back on track the remaining contestants had stopped to laugh at Bumpy's badly bent wings. " Serves 'em right" Was the general opinion.
The results of the race are still disputed to this day.

Naturally the names have been changed to protect the innocent and to foil any libel suits against the author.

Back at the little house in the forest, Mother Goose had kidnapped the Babes in the Wood, and had flown on a magic carpet to meet Sinbad the Sailor.

Why do Elephants have Big Ears? Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

(What utter nonsense, I'm almost ashamed to post it ....but then ....who cares?

What happened to Sleepy in the race he’s disappeared from the commentary !

Welcome to the madhouse Barry!

What happened to Sleepy in the race he’s disappeared from the commentary !

That's because he fell asleep in the pits waiting for his turn and nobody bothered to wake him.

Bob, what's red and white and goes round an ashtray at 90 miles per hour?

Sleepy was all Happy.... To much Port

what is red etc..

jack

what is red etc..

An E-type fag....

Why are there no women on the Moon?

ramble

ramble

ramble