2009 Panto - Jack and the Bobstalk

[Barry Sumner]

He found that someone had nicked the “strings” for binding the bales of hay needed to feed the black sheep

[jack bellinger]

Leighs Ebbaneezer was keeping a low profile after his last remarks.. and was seen hiding behind the Hay Bales counting his golden strings....

[Barry Sumner]

counting his golden strings

negh they turned out to be the hairs from a fair maiden which Jack an Bobo had chased into the night

[jack bellinger]

Are you saying his head was mistaken for his backside...

[Bob Bull]

Clearly the man from the BEEB had failed to grasp the essentials of the traditional Pantomime, Jock and The Beanstick, as he was having enormous difficulty keeping up with the storyline. Bales of hay? Harps? Golden 'strings'? French barbers? Ethnic sheep?
Either he had not done his research or certain contributors had been at the Magic Mushrooms once too often, and were away with the fairies.

Coming on the heels of his rejection by the woman he had hoped to marry a deep depression settled on the poor chap, and he wondered how he could carry on when the whole charade has not even reached the half way point of it's target. Shattered by his constant scene shifting efforts, and numbed by the sheer irrevelance of many of the items on display he resolved to rest his weary fingers, and hope for better times ahead.

Would anyone take pity on the poor wretch and inject some joie d' vie into proceedings. (along with all his other problems his grasp of French was not up to much either).

S.O.S. Save our story!

Filed by our Panto correspondent.

[jack bellinger]

To The mild mannered repoter ... read up on jock and the beans talk .. there is a golden harp///

at least mr Sumnery and me are trying to be amusing .. or are our 1 liners to quick for you ??

[Barry Sumner]

Returning from Lakeside Is you saing that Doc Lewdlor does not know how to examin his head it being mistaken for his backside that made Mrs. Ogre angry who to consult now…….

[Bob Bull]

at least mr Sumnery and me are trying to be amusing

Keep trying lads don't give up.

[Bob Bull]

Doc Lewdlor does not know how to examin his head it being mistaken for his backside

Barry,
We have not heard from any Doctor on this subject as yet, no matter how he spells his name, so we cannot be sure about his competence in regards to elbows and rr's, in Jack's case we do know from where he speaks, however, and it is definitely not from his elbow. You may draw your own conclusion.

Perhaps you could use your experience of life to steer the story back on to some sort of track. Maybe with your knowledge of sheep you could pick up from where the Bellygingers have consulted Charley and Farley Goatherd about their Poor Cow Catherine.
We desperately need to pick up the pace a bit here ...come on chaps, we can do it!

[Bob Bull]

Hi! Again Mary, I hope you are well

From a kindred spirit,

Bob

[Bob Bull]

Oh! Dear, she's gone already.

[jack bellinger]

ENTER /// Pilip Goodanard fine upstanding pillar of the Vetinary Community .. " where,s that Ducky then" " or is it a Hen"

[philip goddard]

Pilip Goodanard had not been drinking nearly enough, nor smoking any strange substances so he couldn't keep up with the thread. The beans talk was obviously a reference to Blazing Saddles that well know cowboy humour with lots of flatulence, horses and hence horsepower so Pilip rushed into the kitchen to heat up some beans for himself and a variety of his 57 friends so he could have more horsepower. The unintended side effect was disastrous.........

[Bob Bull]

Pilip. I suspect Bob Dylan understood your problem and wrote an appropriate song, "The Answer is Blowing in the Wind".

Good to see you make your debut in this years Panto, we need all the help we can get.

So! Gather round Chaps (I include you in here Mary as you are worth any two of them) we have surmounted the foothills of the first 100 posts, and now face the upper slopes, and must all work hard to get to where we can make a final thrust for the summit and 201 posts. I will endeavour to gather the disparate parts of this farce together to give leadership and direction for our final assault.

Our central character Jack and son Little Bill along with their poor cow have reached Hamiltown and the gleaming palace of Charley and Farley Goatherd (or in cockney rhyming slang Goodanard - don't ask!), down in Malvin in Worstevershire jolly Santa is busy constructing Mogplanks and the Nice Gentleman/Ogre has been ambushed by two nere'do'wells and has been exposed as a sham. When interviewed on details of the original story line he had no knowledge of harps, golden or otherwise, bales of hay strings or sheep, we can dismiss him from the whole affair.
A less than well known Doctor of Beans is involved in a disputatious insurance claim with Bony Knees with regard to a broken brick wall and a shattered ancien chariot.

So .........

Pilip lost his watch during an internal examination of the cow, Jack and Bill returned home to Ees Barmy, delighted to own the only ticking cow in England, while Santa sold out his thriving business to the Giant who was German and Doc Lawless and Toenail Bleeds settled for a draw.

Scene 5 .........

[jack bellinger]

I knew Pilip Goodanard wasn,t gonna be a flop!!(unlike all those rumours the morning after the drivers dinner)..
lil bills had enough jumped ship..across the pond ..
I did try to get the watch back (only to see if it was gold) the cow was having none of it ..I can only assume... vets and doctors must enjoy their jobs.

next time I go up that stalk I,m gonna........

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